How to tell a teacher about exam stress
To tell a teacher about exam stress, say three things: what is happening, what it is affecting, and one thing you would like help with. You can write it as a short message or say it after a lesson, and you can ask first what they would need to share with anyone else. You do not need to prove that things are bad enough before you ask. [1] [2]
What to say: three sentences are enough
You do not need to explain everything, find the perfect words, or be sure your stress is serious enough. A short, ordinary explanation gives the other person enough to start helping.
Use the parts that are true for you and leave out anything you do not want to share yet. You can stick to how things are affecting your studies. [3]
- What is happening: "Exam stress has been getting on top of me for the last few weeks."
- What it is affecting: "I am struggling to sleep, and I freeze when I try to revise for maths."
- What would help: "Could you help me work out what to focus on first?"
A message you can copy
Writing it down first can make it easier. YoungMinds suggests writing down what you want to say, and even letting the other person read your notes if talking becomes too difficult. [2]
Change the parts in square brackets. This works as an email, a message through your school or college system, or a note you hand over.
Subject: Could we talk about exam stress?
"Dear [name], I have been finding exam stress hard to manage for about [two weeks]. It is affecting my [sleep / revision / concentration in class], especially in [subject]. Could we find ten minutes to talk this week? I would like help with [working out what to focus on / making a plan to catch up / finding out what support is available]. Thank you, [your name]"
A shorter version to say at the end of a lesson: "Have you got a minute? Exam stress is getting on top of me and it is affecting my sleep. Could we find a time to talk about what I can do?"
Who should you ask first?
Choose someone you can reach this week rather than waiting for the perfect person. That could be a teacher who knows you, a form tutor, a head of year, a personal tutor, a school counsellor, or a student support service. Schools, colleges, and universities often have counsellors or support services for students. [2]
NHS exam guidance suggests talking to someone you trust, such as a family member, teacher, or friend, when you are feeling stressed. If you are unsure who handles what, start with the person you find easiest to talk to and ask them who else could help. [1]
What can you ask for?
A specific request is easier to act on than "I am overwhelmed". You do not need to know the answer, though. Asking for help working out what would help is a specific request too.
Advice for college students from Mental Health America includes asking about extensions and asking whether the lecturer knows of support services. What is available varies between schools, colleges, and universities, so treat these as questions rather than entitlements. [3]
- Help deciding what to revise first, or what matters most for this exam.
- A short check-in before or after an exam.
- Information about deadlines, resits, or what happens if you miss something.
- Information about any exam arrangements or extensions that are offered, and how to apply.
- A quieter place to work, or somewhere to go if you feel overwhelmed.
- An introduction to a counsellor or support service.
Will they tell anyone else?
It is a fair question. A review of 53 studies on young people seeking professional help for mental health found that worries about confidentiality, and about trusting someone they did not know, came up in many of them. A teacher is not a therapist, but the same worry can make it hard to start. [4]
You can ask before you begin. YoungMinds suggests saying if you want what you share to be kept private, and explaining why. It notes that not everyone can keep what you say private, and that they will tell you if they need to pass it on, so that they can help you get support. [2]
You could say: "Before I explain, can I ask what you would need to share, and who with?" Rules differ between schools, colleges, and countries, so asking is better than guessing.
An example: asking without an audience
This is an invented illustration, not a real student. Alex has been lying awake before a maths mock and has stopped opening their revision notes. They do not want to say anything in front of the class.
The evening before, Alex sends their maths teacher a short message: exam stress is affecting their sleep and revision, and could they have ten minutes to talk. They add that they would like to know what would be shared before they say more.
In the conversation, the teacher asks which topics feel worst and suggests one past-paper question a day on the first of them. They also mention the school counsellor. Alex writes down the plan and a check-in for Thursday.
The stress does not disappear, but Alex leaves with a first step and a person to go back to. That is what the conversation needed to do.
What might happen next?
The first conversation is often short. The person might ask a few questions, suggest a next step, or arrange a longer talk. They may not be able to change what is causing the stress, and nobody can promise a particular result.
Before you leave, try to agree one next step and a rough time for it, such as "check in on Friday". Write it down, because stressful conversations are easy to forget afterwards.
Asking can feel uncomfortable. A review of 22 studies found that young people named embarrassment, difficulty recognising what they were going through, and preferring to cope alone among the main barriers to seeking help. Encouragement and support from others were seen as helping. Asking one person is a way of getting that support, not a sign that you cannot cope. [5]
What if the first response is not helpful?
Sometimes the first person is busy, unsure what to do, or says something like "everyone is stressed". That does not mean you were wrong to ask, or that your stress is not real.
You could try once more, more specifically: "I know lots of people are stressed. For me it is affecting my sleep and I cannot start revising. Could you help me make a plan, or tell me who could?" Or ask someone else. YoungMinds encourages reaching out again, to the same person or someone else you trust. [2]
If you cannot get a reply, a trusted adult outside school, a family doctor, or a helpline can help you work out where to go next.
If you need help sooner
If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, or you are thinking about harming yourself, do not wait for a meeting. Contact your local emergency service or an urgent mental-health service now, and tell someone nearby what is happening.
If stress keeps affecting your sleep, health, or daily life, a doctor or other health professional can help as well as school or college staff.
Print the conversation sheet
The free PDF near the top is one page. The top half helps you prepare: who you will ask, what is happening, what it is affecting, and what would help, with tick boxes for common requests. The bottom half is for afterwards: what you agreed, by when, and who you will ask if nothing happens.
If speaking feels too hard, fold the sheet and hand over the top half. Printing is optional. The same prompts work on any paper or in your phone notes.
Sources and further reading
These links open external research and health-information websites.
- NHS: tips on preparing for exams
UK guidance for young people. Suggests talking to someone you trust, such as a teacher, when stressed. - YoungMinds: reaching out for help
UK youth mental-health charity guidance on preparing to ask, privacy, and trying again. Last reviewed March 2024. - Mental Health America: talking to your professor about your mental health
US guidance for college students on what to share and what to ask for. - Radez and colleagues (2021): why young people do or do not seek professional help
Systematic review of 53 studies with children and adolescents. About professional help, not teachers. - Gulliver, Griffiths and Christensen (2010): barriers and helps to seeking support
Systematic review of 22 studies of what young people see as barriers and helps to seeking mental-health support.
Educational guidance, not clinical advice. If you need a person, skip the rest of the steps and talk to one.